When I was four, just four years old, I went to my mother and I said, “What’s this hole in my chin?” - I saw this dimple in my chin in the mirror, and didn’t know what it was. And my mother said - get what my mother says - she says, “When you’re born, you go on a assembly line past God, and if He likes you, He says,
[grabs her cheeks with both her hands]
"You cute little thing!" and you get dimples there. And if He doesn’t like you, He goes,
[presses one finger on her chin]
"Go away." So about six months later, my mother found me saying my prayers, and I was going,
[holds one hand over her chin]
"Now I lay me down to sleep…" My mother says, "What are you covering up your chin for?" And I said, "Because if I cover up the hole, maybe He’ll listen to me."”
You know, in the sexual act there’s that moment of complete forgetting, which is so incredible. Then in the next moment you start to think about things: work on the play, what you’ve got to do tomorrow. I don’t know if this is true of you, but I think it must be quite common. The world comes in quite fast. Now that again may be because we’re afraid to stay in that place of forgetting, because that again is close to death. Like people who are afraid to go to sleep. In other words: you interrelate and you don’t know what the next moment will bring, and to not know what the next moment will bring brings you closer to a perception of death!
You see, that’s why I think that people have affairs. Well, I mean, you know, in the theater, if you get good reviews, you feel for a moment that you’ve got your hands on something. You know what I mean? I mean it’s a good feeling. But then that feeling goes quite quickly. And once again you don’t know quite what you should do next. What’ll happen? Well, have an affair and up to a certain point you can really feel that you’re on firm ground. You know, there’s a sexual conquest to be made, there are different questions: does she enjoy the ears being nibbled, how intensely can you talk about Schopenhauer in some elegant French restaurant. Whatever nonsense it is. It’s all, I think, to give you the semblance that there’s firm earth.
Well, have a real relationship with a person that goes on for years, that’s completely unpredictable. Then you’ve cut off all your ties to the land and you’re sailing into the unknown, into uncharted seas. I mean, you know, people hold on to these images: father, mother, husband, wife, again for the same reason: ‘cause they seem to provide some firm ground. But there’s no wife there. What does that mean, a wife? A husband? A son? A baby holds your hands and then suddenly there’s this huge man lifting you off the ground, and then he’s gone. Where’s that son?”